2020.02.21 Marek's Marriage Manual

100 % rule - given and observed by each partner. You (speaking to one of the partners), You are 100% responsible for the marriage. let that sink in. Regardless of how the other person acts, you are responsible for the well being and safe keeping of the marriage (relationship.)

To the other partner, YOU are 100% responsible for the relationship. You repair it even if it is not your fault. There is no action that you do not try to make good. You do not depend on the other to make it good.

Anger. Anger ties you into the other’s bad behavior. When I am angry I am getting what I want, and do not want to see or hear other possibilities. But anger feels rewarding, righteous.

The four horseman of the apocalypse for marriage communication is a concept promulgated by Gottman a marriage psychologist. Here are four things that destroy a relationship:

1. Defensiveness where I savor how very hurt I am by what you did or said. Defensiveness is never good for the relationship. So I try to not give into that feeling.

2. Sarcasm a knife that starts out as a joke but becomes sharper until both are hurting each other.

3 Contempt where you roll your eyes, or call the other person worthless in any way.

4.Stonewalling when you don't talk to the other person for extended periods, intentionally ignoring them and their remarks.

These are the four horsemen that destroy over 80% of relationships. Not doing them will improve the marriage but it is not easy.